Growing up I never dreamed about getting married. I never dreamed about having the white picket fence, with a tire swing in the front yard, with 2.2 little JJ's running around, while gazing in to my husbands eyes, drinking some concoction from Starbucks. Maybe that was my problem. Maybe I should have dreamed of all of this. Maybe that's why I'm struggling now.
I see family and friends and their white picket fence with 2.2 kids running around chasing the dog, while longly looking into their husbands eyes and how happy they look in the photo but its not something I want. well I don't think I want that...
I guess what I'm saying is I dunno what I want. I don't feel its the life I have in front of me. but maybe it is. and I just don't know it yet. That's what people tell me.
I feel like (at 32) I should know what I want from life. The only thing I'm sure of in my life is I want a dog(well just the dog I have) and I want to be in love. but I'm not sure if I want that love to turn into marriage. Can you be happy in life and feel fulfilled with no marriage and just love? Or does that marriage title make the love more intense? Or does being married cause more fights and problems, than just being a in a relationship would be.
If I do ever get married, it will be once and once only. I won't do this divorce thing. maybe that's why I'm so scared to get married. maybe that's why growing up I never dreamed of my wedding day, because my parents got divorced when I was four. I've never really had any good marriage role models. (is that even a thing?) do I have deeper issues then not wanting to get married. I'm sure I do.
somedays I want to get married so people will stop asking "when are you two gettin' hitched?" "when are you guys having kids?"
Because I can tell you right now I don't want kids. GASP! you heard that right I DON'T WANT KIDS. Do I think Ry-guy would be a great dad? I sure do. If he is even half the dad with our kids as he is with Dexter he will be the best dad around.
Do I love seeing other people with their kids-yup, sure do.
Do I like spending time with kids-yup, love every minute I have with kids.
Can I have a fulfilling life without children?
“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.”