what makes a life fulfilling????

Growing up I never dreamed about getting married. I never dreamed about having the white picket fence, with a tire swing in the front yard, with 2.2 little JJ's running around, while gazing in to my husbands eyes, drinking some concoction from Starbucks. Maybe that was my problem. Maybe I should have dreamed of all of this. Maybe that's why I'm struggling now. 

I see family and friends and their white picket fence with 2.2 kids running around chasing the dog, while longly looking into their husbands eyes and how happy they look in the photo but its not something I want. well I don't think I want that...

I guess what I'm saying is I dunno what I want. I don't feel its the life I have in front of me. but maybe it is. and I just don't know it yet. That's what people tell me. 

I feel like (at 32) I should know what I want from life. The only thing I'm sure of in my life is I want a dog(well just the dog I have) and I want to be in love. but I'm not sure if I want that love to turn into marriage. Can you be happy in life and feel fulfilled with no marriage and just love? Or does that marriage title make the love more intense? Or does being married cause more fights and problems, than just being a in a relationship would be. 

If I do ever get married, it will be once and once only. I won't do this divorce thing. maybe that's why I'm so scared to get married. maybe that's why growing up I never dreamed of my wedding day, because my parents got divorced when I was four. I've never really had any good marriage role models. (is that even a thing?) do I have deeper issues then not wanting to get married. I'm sure I do.  

somedays I want to get married so people will stop asking "when are you two gettin' hitched?" "when are you guys having kids?"

Because I can tell you right now I don't want kids.  GASP! you heard that right I DON'T WANT KIDS.  Do I think Ry-guy would be a great dad? I sure do. If he is even half the dad with our kids as he is with Dexter he will be the best dad around. 

Do I love seeing other people with their kids-yup, sure do. 

Do I like spending time with kids-yup, love every minute I have with kids. 

Can I have a fulfilling life without children? 

“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.”

 photo ScreenShot2013-06-06at13525PM_zps68cc99b9.png


  1. great post. love how open and honest you were. i think it's hard to hear your inner voice when expectations, peer pressure, societal norms, etc can sometimes drown it out and leave you in doubt or not feeling confident about your choices. i think, over the course of our lifetime, there are times/years/days when we feel more fulfilled than others but that we will never be completely whole and fulfilled because then what else would be left to strive for? that said, i think sticking to your choices and going with your gut is the best move you can make to feeling more grounded and fulfilled. and surrounding yourself with people who accept you for you and support and respect your decisions is key too.

    i think you'll find some of the following articles enlightening and reassuring:

    Living child-free and that's okay - http://offbeatfamilies.com/tag/child-free

    Why we're not giving in to wedding peer pressure - http://offbeathome.com/2013/10/wedding-peer-pressure

    Realizing that "Long-term relationship" is a choice - http://offbeathome.com/2013/06/long-term-relationship-is-a-choice (I think this article rings true even for those who are not married)

  2. Omg I feel the same way! I mean I love R with all my being and if he proposes, I don't think I'll say no but it's not something that heavily weighs on my mind. I think it's more so if it happens, it happens but I'm happy with what we have and where we're at. I didn't want kids either because of the fact that I was practically my siblings from the age of 7 but who knows, maybe that'll change in the future but right now, I'm just happy with us. Eff the white picket fence, give me a condo lol

    Love your honesty here though. A lot of people our age still don't know what they want and that's ok. You have your entire life to figure it out and if you don't, at least you had fun and found love along the way.

    Eesh | The Other Side of Paradise

  3. Thanks for sharing this. I hate that society tries to put all women in this neat little box of marriage, kids, white picket fence, when that's not the lifestyle everyone wants. You still have lots of time to figure out what it is you want long term and you have an awesome boyfriend and pup to carry you through!

  4. crazy as it may be I am sometimes envious of people like you who are content to be in a happy loving relationship and don't the the married title or the cute little house. Those are two things that I want so so so bad but feel so far away.

  5. First off first off I found you from your comment on Chris's (former Chubette Tales blog) Instagram...loved your name because I love the show. I am Finally caught up and have 2 episodes left to go on the last season.
    Great post. I think as we get older our thongs and priorities change making this "should have" questioned and changed over and over. I thought I would get married and have kids by 22-23... I got married at 27 and still no kids. I keep mentally comparing myself to my mom...I think at my age my mom had 3 kids and all I have are 3 degrees lol... But seriously it' s a norm now to not want the "American nuclear family" dream... My husband and I want kids but we also joke about all the traveling we could do (or shopping I could do) if we don't have kids... It's such a hard because it's no longer easy, financially mainly, to have it all ....I'm rambling but I totally get your thoughts :)


I love hearing from you. Thanks for taking the time to read about Dexter Morgan and his adventures.