what makes a life fulfilling????

Growing up I never dreamed about getting married. I never dreamed about having the white picket fence, with a tire swing in the front yard, with 2.2 little JJ's running around, while gazing in to my husbands eyes, drinking some concoction from Starbucks. Maybe that was my problem. Maybe I should have dreamed of all of this. Maybe that's why I'm struggling now. 

I see family and friends and their white picket fence with 2.2 kids running around chasing the dog, while longly looking into their husbands eyes and how happy they look in the photo but its not something I want. well I don't think I want that...

I guess what I'm saying is I dunno what I want. I don't feel its the life I have in front of me. but maybe it is. and I just don't know it yet. That's what people tell me. 

I feel like (at 32) I should know what I want from life. The only thing I'm sure of in my life is I want a dog(well just the dog I have) and I want to be in love. but I'm not sure if I want that love to turn into marriage. Can you be happy in life and feel fulfilled with no marriage and just love? Or does that marriage title make the love more intense? Or does being married cause more fights and problems, than just being a in a relationship would be. 

If I do ever get married, it will be once and once only. I won't do this divorce thing. maybe that's why I'm so scared to get married. maybe that's why growing up I never dreamed of my wedding day, because my parents got divorced when I was four. I've never really had any good marriage role models. (is that even a thing?) do I have deeper issues then not wanting to get married. I'm sure I do.  

somedays I want to get married so people will stop asking "when are you two gettin' hitched?" "when are you guys having kids?"

Because I can tell you right now I don't want kids.  GASP! you heard that right I DON'T WANT KIDS.  Do I think Ry-guy would be a great dad? I sure do. If he is even half the dad with our kids as he is with Dexter he will be the best dad around. 

Do I love seeing other people with their kids-yup, sure do. 

Do I like spending time with kids-yup, love every minute I have with kids. 

Can I have a fulfilling life without children? 

“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.”

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there's a first time for everything

 My first....

album ever bought-Sir Mix A Lot-Baby got Back. It had a parental advisor sticker on it and I was clearly not over 17, but they let me buy it anyway. score!


celebrity crush-take your pick, Scott Baio, Mark Paul Gosselaar, or Bobby Brown. 


heartbreak- I was 19. We had dated since I was 15. Broke up for six months and ended up again for another two years. Finally decided at 22 it was time to get out of this mess I got myself into. 

concert-a country concert put on by a local radio station when I was 14. The headliner was Sawyer Brown. Several people performed that day. The very first opener was Leann Rimes. meh!

movie I saw opening night- Clueless-duh!


Disney movie I fell in love with-Sleeping Beauty. Still one of my top 5 favorites. 


pet- 2nd grade. a gerbil named Mischef

cell phone- I was 18 almost 19. I never wanted a cell phone. I was too cool for school with my pager. holla!


time I got drunk- I was 22 in Cloud town with Britni. Yes, I waited till I was 22 to get drunk. I didn't even go out on my 21st birthday. I was sick :( 

job- Frullati Cafe in the mall. The served smoothies and sandwiches when everyone had wanted to be healthy. Two months after that I started working at Calendar Club (the little pop up stand in the malls around the holidays with every calendar imaginable.) I was a total mall rat. Always at the mall even when I wasn't working. and to think now I hateeeee going to the mall. 

time I drank coffee- it was at 4th grade parent teacher conferences. I wanted to impress all my friends and drink the coffee that was put out for the parents. Whelp I tried it and burned half my tongue. It was really hard to eat or drink for the next week. NEVER AGAIN. I can barely do hot chocolate.  #wussy


What are some of your firsts?

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my summer bucket list....

hit up the Minneapolis Farmers market

check out the cowboys at the Hamel Rodeo

play a round of mini golf at the Walker

watch one of these films outside

take a road trip


go to a twins game at Target field

enjoy drinks on the patio-multiple times


eat my way through the Minnesota State Fair


spend a day at the headwaters of the Mississippi River

apply to go (back) to school 

keep my office plants alive for the entire summer

eat lunch outside (at least) half the week 

blog regularly

go back to Chicago 

throw a fabulous 5th birthday party for Dexter

attend another outdoor concert besides Tim McGraw

drink my way through a beer garden

go for a walk over the Stone Arch Bridge

view fireworks multiple times

read six books

see more of my favorite Minnesota bloggers. 

meet some new Minnesota bloggers. 

what's on your summer bucket list?

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My Current Obsessions June 2014

craving: a soda. a big Dr. Pepper to be exact. Really trying to stay strong. Feel like an addict when I get this soda cravings. I've been doing really well about not drinking soda. 
listening to: Miranda's new album and these gems.

reading: Save the Date by Mary Kay Andrews

missing: Dexie Rexie and friends and family that live in other states. 

anticipating: our summer road trip out West (more details to follow)
needing: to get my hurrrr colored like bad. As Miranda says "what doesn't kill you only makes you blonder." wise words from that gal!
wishing: I had the money to travel wherever I wanted. 
wearing: a gopher t-shirt and jeans. #theusual
doing: work. still loving every minute of the new job though. 
hoping: that I won the lotto last night. I could use an extra 257 million in my back pocket. 
eating: these yummies. not that great for you but still so good!

drinking: water. always drinking water. wishing it was a Dr. Pepper. err a beer. an ice cold beer. 
buying: nothing. paying bills atm. 
loving: Minneapolis in the summer (well almost)
wanting: a vacation. even though we were in Chicago and it was fun. It would be fun to go someplace to have fun and not for a funeral :(
excited for: this weekend, mostly this event I'll be at with Shelby and Meg

quoting: TFIOS like crazy. I can't get enough of this book and movie. 

what are your current obsessions?

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download this....

with summer just around the corner lots of great music has hit the airwaves. Some of my favorite artists have released new cd's. I wanted to share with you some of my favorite lesser known tracks. Here's what's been on repeat. 

Miranda Lambert 

"Smokin' and Drinkin' "

Chase Rice

"Jack Daniels and Jesus"

Rascal Flatts

"Night of Our Lives"

Jerrod Niemann


Tyler Farr


Eric Paslay

"Song About a Girl"

I was searching for this song on the interwebs and found it was released as a single, and has a video. Enjoy!

what songs are you listening to on repeat?

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the windy city

A couple of weeks ago we received some horrible news that a family member had passed away. We knew we had to be there so we were Chicago bound. 

After more than a few difficult days we decided to head into the city and take our minds of things. I snapped these shots. We hope to go back later in the Summer and explore more of Chicago. The last and only time I had been in Chicago before was in the winter. While it was fun to see the city in the cold weather, summertime in Chicago is such a change. We can't wait to go back!

I told Ry that I wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, he was less than thrilled with this idea. I had no idea until this day that he was afraid of heights. I loved being able to see Chicago so well. 

Ry-guy's brother lives in Chicago and took us out to dinner at Portillo's. OH.M.GEE I don't think I've ever had better food in my life. I at the Chicago style hot dog, and Ry had some time of beef sandwich. I can't wait to go back to eat there again!

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Isaiah's 5th Birthday Bash

Just getting back into the swing of things around here. Over Memorial Day weekend we made the short trip down to Iowa to see our niece and nephews. We were also there to celebrate Isaiah's 5th birthday. This kid seriously cracks me up every time I see him. Even though we had just seen the kids at Easter it felt like forever since we had seen them last. 

Friday night we got into town around 9pm and the kids were wide awake waiting for us. I can't decide which feeling is better, when I come home to Dexter (everyday) and he freaks out once he seems me, or when the kids are beyond excited to see you. tough call. Once we arrived Zaya brought me over some books for me to read to him. I love how much that boy loves to read. I'd buy him a zillion books if I could. He gets so excited once we start reading. He always likes to point out that I missed a page ( I never do, but he thinks I do-so cute) Once we finish one book he says "more, more, more".  We read five books that night before I told him I had to go to bed. I was exhausted!  

We woke up the day of his birthday party and took the kids to get donuts and juice. This is our little tradition with the kids. Anytime we're down there we do this. Besides our normal donuts and juice run we had to stop and get Dexter some toys. The bad puppy parents we are forgot to pack him toys. The kids we're really excited to pick out toys for Dex. We got home and the kids devoured the donuts so they could play with Dex. They love playing "texas war" with Dex aka tug-o-war. Dexter can really get into this game. After Dex decided he needed a break we hit up the park to play some football and swing on the swings. 

My little water bug had other ideas

someone got his energy back and didn't want to go back on the leash. To be fair to Dex he isn't on his leash very often. After he got over his "puppy phase" of running away every 1.2 seconds something clicked and he stayed near us when he was off leash. He started listening to us and responding to commands. The only time he is on his leash is for a walk, or in Petsmart when he has to be. 

After the park we went back to the house to get ready for the birthday party/BBQ. One of my favorite things about summer is barbecuing.  No food tastes as good on the stove as it does on the grill. 

 Ry-guy and I decided to take a short nap I figured the kids might to, but they were too busy with Dexter. 

after we got up from our nap someone was ready for his. 

He was up and ready before the party started and even more kids showed up. He slept for a good three days straight after returning from Iowa. 

I didn't get photos of Isaiah opening his gifts because the kids had a water balloon fight and water got all over my camera :(

Lots of trucks, cars, games, and water guns were given to the birthday boy. 

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