Dear Friday, it took way too long for you to arrive this week. Let's try to speed this shit up next week.mmkay. Dear MNDOT (Minnesota Dept of Transportation), you effing suck balls. Why on earth did I have to sit in my car for six (yes, six) additional hours this week because you couldn't do your job this week. Dear Dexter Morgan, we're thinking about getting you a buddy for you. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I just don't think I have enough love to give to another pup. You'll always be my favorite. Dear pants, I am uber excited you've helped me stay comfortable through the past weight gain, however, I think its time you head to another home to help someone else. You've been come too big, uncomfortably big, saggy, you make it seems as I've pooped my pants (not that girls poop anyway!) with so much room in back. Don't take my badonkadonk away from me. Dear Christmas, I love having you here. I love that we'll be seeing family a lot in the next couple weeks. Dear birthday, please don't come every year. Let's do that leap year shit, 31 is too old for this homegirl.