please leave a message....beeeeeeppppp.

let's talk appropriate voice mail messages. I'm always amazed when I call someone and hear " I don't want to talk to you, and if I do I'll call you back, if I don't, I won't call you back. Sounds like a winner. Hoping they call me back now. What the haayyy is that? To be fair I've only had to listen to that message once. Seriously once was enough. I must admit when I was 13 I had my own private phone line. My voicemail message was "Hey, you've reached Jenny (yes I went by Jenny)- I'll call you back if I want to."  In all fairness I was 13. What ever happened to "Hi, you've reached Dexter Morgan, please leave a message".  I just don't know why people think they need to have a funny message.

My first job was at a big video rental retailer, who is now defunct.  We had to call members and let them know when they had movies overdue.
This was the worst job ever! I would have to call and let Steve know he had some "adult films" overdue and his wife Jane would answer. awkward.  Being the helpful wife he married she would want to know the names of the films so she could return them, so he would stop accruing late fees. Luckily, we had a policy  that I was only able to tell Steve about his overdue movies.whew!  Jane wasn't such a fan of this policy.  When I wasn't able to reach nice wives like Jane, I would reach horrid voice mails.  One man had a pirate message-something along the lines of "ahoy, matey we're off searching the seas for buried treasures, we'll get back to you when our ship docks" and ever had a bird sound effect in there. That's one minute I won't get back for having to listen to that junk.  Or the people with gangsta tunes playing-you know the ones that talk so lovingly of women and their "assets".  Some people wanted to make sure the whole family was involved. " Hi, you've reached the Johnson's -Bob (dad), Marcia (mom), Mikey (son) and Maggie (daughter)- each one saying their own name.  and in unison "We're not home right now but leave us a message." I wonder how must time they wasted to record that one.

I don't usually leave messages, unless I have to for work or something. and I NEVER EVER check my voicemails. When calling me please don't leave one. I finally went in to check my messages last week and I had 23 messages. Mostly from my Mother, who I've told more times than I can remember not to leave me a voicemail. She leave the ones still that say "Jen, are you there? Pick up if you are." Again, I've told her I can't hear her when she leaves me a vm.  Or the " call me back when you get this" why, why, why would someone leave that message. Clearly you call me for a reason. Seeing your name/number would make me think hey- I should call them back. just text, for reals yo. The best is when she leaves me a message and also sends me a text to "call her" duh!

PPS whoever invented those callertunes-should be put in a room with padded walls and locked up forever listening to them. Are we so ADD now that we can't listen to the five rings waiting for our caller to pick up? Numero uno, they get stuck in my head for the rest of the day. and no I really don't want to listen to your shittay Nickelback choice. 2.  they're stupid. 3. people actually pay for that shit. I try to keep my cell phone bill as cheap as I can.  That $2.99 your paying towards that Nickleback song could be better spent on anything else. yes, anything. drugs, alcohol, your kids, your neighbor's kids. I kid, I kid. well somewhat.

I hope I'm not the only one that feels this way. even if I am leave me some love to show me I am normal. even if you think I have lost my mind.


  1. hahaha - I love this. 'Ringback' tunes and obnoxious greetings are the WORST. I also hate it when people leave me voicemails. It's bad, but I just delete them and call people back. hehe :) I couldn't even imagine how terrible it was working at a video store, either!

  2. Haha, too funny!

    I feel the same way!

    And I never check my voicemails. I annoy everyone with that but I just don't like checking it.

  3. I'm loving this...and shouting AMEN at my laptop

  4. wow...feel better? haha I can see it all now..."woman goes berserk...hurls cell phone off tall building...hits passing motorist who drives into a building ... causing local restaurant to collapse. And amazingly no one was injured... but woman was arrested. She insisted on a padded cell. Pictures at eleven". BTW Hi Dex.

  5. Hilarious! Why people feel the need to leave the mos awkward outgoing voicemail messages is beyond me. Guess what... if I was an employer and I was calling you for an interviewing I would think twice about leaving the message if I had to hear, "Leave me a message and maybe I'll call you back. If you're hot, I'll for sure call you back." WEIRDOS

  6. This post was so funny.

    In high school (before the days of cell phones) my friend's home message was his parents saying something like "we can't come to the phone right now because we are busy making beautiful porcelain dolls".........
    I think I had to call back just to make sure I was hearing it right. People are so funny....and when I say funny I mean weird!


I love hearing from you. Thanks for taking the time to read about Dexter Morgan and his adventures.